


Sleepin' on a Rapper Like Eternal Slumber in the Darkest Depths

by buttmaster



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen, Slurs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-03
Updated: 2014-09-03
Packaged: 2018-02-16 01:52:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2251443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buttmaster/pseuds/buttmaster
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bonus Round 2 fill for the HSWC. </p><p>"Aranea ♠ Rose</p><p>Fili, Old Irish: Fortune telling poets who were knowledgeable of many tales and skilled in the art of cursing people through magic satire.</p><p>Basically they were masters of the Irish rap battle."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sleepin' on a Rapper Like Eternal Slumber in the Darkest Depths

"Are we doing this then?" Aranea masked her snarl with a smirk, closing the book she was reading. She had been trading barbs back and forth all day with Rose, and frankly, she was sick of it. Who was this human to just show up and talk down to her?

"Oh, yes, we're doing this. It's happening, Aranea. It is most certainly happening." To be honest, Rose wasn't sure what 'this' was, but there was no way she was backing down from this know-it-all, smug troll whose face was just begging for a punch. She stood up straight, fists balled at her sides, wondering what Aranea had planned.

The troll stood and moved close, smoothing out the ruffles of her skirt as that smug sneer appeared in even more full force on her face.

"Who's this human before me? And why must she bore me?  
This dimestore lore whore who I've come to abhor, see?  
There's only room here for one hot librarian,  
And in a battle of wits you will wind up as carrion.

"I offer you retreat before I offer you exodus,  
So out with you, you lesbian version of Oedipus,  
More mommy issues than parenting magazines,  
With about as much depth as an issue of Seventeen.

"That's Seven Point Eight Five for trolls in the crowd,  
Time to wrap this all up and then take my bow,  
Time to make a bright orange funeral shroud,  
For this Seer of Light who got thoroughly plowed."

So that's what this was. A rap battle of sorts. Rose could handle that. She was certain of it. She'd heard Dave do enough of them, and she had written plenty of poetry, so...

"Oh look, I have found a vociferous witch,  
Sylph of Light, that is to say, a splendiferous bitch.  
Mouth runs so much it's like marathon training,  
Which would be fine if she were at least entertaining,

"But she isn't. The truth it has risen.  
Conversation with you is like being imprisoned.  
I'm so Finnished with you, that I'm ending this kisan.  
So go get on your ship and go sit on the mizzen.

"I feel bad for you, though, so have some exposition.  
Nobody likes you, your words are emissions  
Most foul, and just so there isn't a shred of a doubt,  
The sylph may be in, but my patience has ran out."

It was a sight to see, and it was unfortunate that no one was around to do so. The only two parties privy to it were so caught up in the activity that they failed to notice the changes around them. Ichor dripping from the walls, tears of light ripping through the space around them.

"Fuck this, increasing eightfold on the throttle,  
Gonna wrap this up quick, so go back to the bottle.  
Let's talk about oral fixation, affliction, addiction,  
It's a wonder you haven't been slurring your diction.

"Though wrapped around diction, your mouth is an expert,  
But enough with my lecture, I leave you with an excerpt,  
A Rose by any other name may smell just as sweet,  
But this Rose smells like a Zahhak's workbench seat."

Electricity crackled in the air around them, a portal to the outmost depths opening in the ceiling.

"That last verse was weak, oh my, did you falter.  
I invite you to lay upon my sacrificial altar,  
You better start praying, quick, go grab your psalter,  
As I show which of us kissed the Rock of Gibraltar.

"I-"

"Blarney Stone, I believe, is the thing for which you are seeking,  
Which you too have avoided, evidenced by your speaking.  
Are you so overwhelmed that you thinkpan is leaking,  
Or are you just drunk? That's my suspicion sneaking."

Rose went dark. As in the absence of light. It drained from her slowly, saturation slowly leaving her as she went gray.

"You dare interrupt me? My verse was just peaking,  
You smug little spider, I'll leave you shrieking,  
Squeaking, bones creaking and snapping with havoc I'm wreaking,  
Every second my immense power is immensely eking.

"I cast you to the ebumna (pit), where the Deep Ones fhtagn (sleep),  
Where your ftaghu (skin) fm'latgh (burns), for you've awoken the dragon,  
Grah'n (larva), call for your chtenff (society), pray for a hafh'drn (priest),  
You have a syha'h (eternity) to throd (tremble), no matter whom you vulgtagln (pray to)."

The portal above widened as dark tendrils began to drop downward, heading toward Aranea. One noise permeated above the roar of increasing power, a deafening honk preceding the door to the room splintering, a wild-eyed Gamzee leaping into the air and tackling Rose, whose mind-controlled troubles were greeted by a punch to the stomach and a fling into a book case. At the very least, the portal began to close. Rose's eyes went back to their normal color and her skin began to regain saturation.

Aranea glared. "What the hell was that? You can't do that! You can't just start making up words. I gave you a pass on the Finnish word, but that was a stretch as is. You can't just start spouting nonsense."

"R'lyehian is not nonsense. You would think you know it is very much real, given how you were almost devoured by a pit of suffering. How do you even know so much about languages anyway?"

"I read! Which is what I was trying to do before you decided your day would be well spent circling me like some kind of finbeast, prodding at me and--"

"So you're a master of Earth languages but you're going to say finbeast instead of shark."

"Quiet!"

"Oh, you're one to ask someone to be quiet!"

"How about we both be quiet and you let me read in peace? I was trying to concentrate."

"Oh, wow, yes, quite a lot of concentration needed for an Alternian bodice ripper. I think the concentration you're talking about would be more well-suited to your bedroom, don't you think?"

"I... you... how do you know Alternian?"

"You're not the only one who reads." And with that, Rose was gone. All in all, the battle was a draw. No one really lost.

Except Gamzee. When he'd come to, he'd probably have one hell of a time pulling his horns out of the carpeting.


End file.
